JARED (Lane Brothers Book 4) Read online

  “It’s okay, I don’t want them to come back.” I hiccup, licking my lips with care before pulling away and looking at them all with a small smile that feels bittersweet. “They’re right, though. I promised them all I’d do it and—”

  “I don’t care if you promised the pope, Paulette, you’re not going back there. The Patriots will only try to finish what they started, and I’ll be damned if they get there fucking hands on you again. Now shut up unless you have something constructive to say,” Jared growls, pulling away from me to stand.

  I miss his heat and the strength his touch lent me so much, I feel my heart trip and the monitor starts beeping wildly. I’ve always been prone to panic attacks, and these stressful situations are the worst kinds of triggers.

  I’m surprised the monitors didn’t start blaring sooner, and that no one realized how hard my heart was beating the whole time because I felt so afraid when Father turned to me that I swear my chest almost cracked open to let the thing free.

  “Jared—”

  “No! You want to go back there and let that animal hurt you again?” he says and I rear back at the violence simmering free.

  “I, it wasn’t Andrew,” I whisper.

  That prize goes right to Clyde, though I keep my mouth shut about the fact that it was Andy who held me down that one time…

  No, Paulie! Don’t think about that now, I yell silently, breathing in short bursts as the memories try to break free and the heart-rate monitor starts beeping so wildly, an alarm actually goes off this time.

  The shakes start again, and this time I know that the panic attack I’ve been staving off for several minutes is unavoidable. I can’t breathe, can’t move as the terror grips me and starts curling its way through every cell under my skin.

  My muscles lock up as the shakes get worse and my vision starts blinking on and off as the worst of it hits me a second after I hear a curse and the worried yells around me.

  It’s then that the fit hits me and I’m almost relieved for the reprieve it brings when my body seizes up and everything starts melting away.

  “Cupcake!”

  Did he just call me Cupcake?

  My body stops responding and flops down with a thump I feel in my back and hip.

  I can’t hear or see properly as the attack goes on and on, leaving me blind, deaf, and mute. All I know is the feel of hands grasping at me and the smell of Jared’s expensive cologne penetrating what’s left of my senses.

  These attacks. I call them fits or panic attacks, but I can’t really tell you with any certainty what they are. I just know I’ve had them for ages now, and that stress brings them on without thought or mercy for the situation.

  I’ve had so many lately that I’m surprised I’m still alive after some of the headers I’ve taken, but that’s from knowing that no matter what I do, I’m screwed. The situation I’m in is irreparable.

  Unfortunately, that’s one of the reasons Clyde could get to me so easily and one of the reasons I couldn’t even fight back. I wasn’t able to, pathetic as it sounds, and it got worse when—

  No, not again Paulette. Push that other shit aside and focus, I snarl as I feel the onslaught lessening slowly and become aware of hushed voices and the feel of methodical hands running over me.

  When my eyelid is raised and the blinding glare of the doctor’s light hits my eye, I cringe and pull back with a moan and a jerk that wrenches my aching neck.

  “She’s okay, Mr. Lane. It looks to me to be a panic attack—”

  “That looked like a seizure!” I hear Jared yell and it makes me want to smile when I feel the doctor’s hands tremble as he adjusts my head comfortably and releases my eyelid.

  “Sir, Miss Hayes is not epileptic and suffers from no physiological signs of tumors or other disorders. From what you described, I can confidently say that was a panic attack, albeit a rather severe one. It worsens with stress and I’d say she’s been having them for a long time now just by looking at her back molars and feeling some of the lumps on her head. She needs rest and calm right now.”

  “You think I don’t know that, asshole?! You saw her! How the hell—”

  “Son, calm down. Dr. Steve is right and you’ll have to accept it. Paulie’s had a very stressful time lately, and she’s always been a skittish little thing.”

  “But, but she’s already so hurt. She can’t be having these things,” he croaks and I wonder if that tone is as soft and caring as it sounds or just my own, hopeful, foolish imagination.

  “They will lessen over time with proper care and minimal stress. I’ve seen these before, Jared, and it’s not life threatening or anything serious. Just keep an eye on her, and if she seems to be getting upset try to calm her.”

  I hate that it’s happening now, in front of these people, and I hate even more that it’s another thing to make others pity me. And I freaking despise knowing that it’s all psychological shit messing with my body this way.

  “Cupcake.”

  Great. He did use my nickname after all, and while I feel a small amount of relief, I also feel total dismay. He’s being nice now. After all this, he’s being nice, and I know that if not for this episode I’d still be staring into cold eyes that hold nothing but loathing for me.

  That hurts more than his dislike, and I look away with a frown, refusing to meet his gaze.

  “I need to go home.”

  “Cup—”

  I’m so sleepy all of a sudden and I just barely manage to shake my head and cut him off.

  “It’s all under the floorboards beneath my bed,” I whisper, letting my eyes droop closed.

  ***

  Jared

  Her eye finally drops closed and I hear her even breathing as the medication the doctor gave her takes effect and knocks her out fully. My own relief pours through me and I look away from her battered face with a curse, only to see my family standing, looking at me with anger and compassion.

  “She doesn’t need you yelling at her at every turn, Jared Esiah Lane,” Ma mutters, wiping at her wet cheeks as Pop pulls her closer.

  “Bro—”

  “I can’t let her go back, no matter how hard I have to be on her. They did not just beat her, Wyatt,” I say, pulling at my hair as anger and a feeling of hopelessness hits me.

  I don’t know how I’ll tell them this. Hell, I don’t know how I’ll tell Paulie if she doesn’t know, which seems likely now that I know that it could have happened while she was having an attack and dead to the world.

  “Explain,” Wyatt says and I stiffen when Dad draws himself up and narrows his eyes at me.

  “What are you saying?”

  I can see they all know and yet none of us want to believe it. Fuck, I can’t even think it without having the urge to tear this place down brick by brick.

  “She was bleeding…vaginally when they checked her out.”

  With all the trauma she sustained, they can’t say for certain that she was raped, but I feel…terrified at just the thought of my cupcake having to endure that horror on top of the pain she suffered.

  “Jared, you need to talk to her about it,” Ma croaks, sniffling loudly into Pop’s shoulder as Ellie covers her mouth with her hand.

  My throat is too tight to speak, and for a guy like me, who never cries or shows emotion unless necessary, I feel a part of myself crack with the need to cry.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Ma.”

  “But, honey, you must. Paulie needs you to be strong. She needs you to be there for her and to help her through all this. You can’t hide from this sort of thing, Jared, and if they did…hurt her that way, you need to help her heal from it.”

  How? How do I help her when just the thought of it makes me feel like I’m breaking inside?

  “I’ll take care of it,” I mutter, pacing now that I’m calmer and starting to plan again. “Pop, how’s that transfer going?”

  “The nurse will be here shortly to start readying Paulie, and the ambulance will be here to transpor
t her home. Ma already had the room set up—”

  “She’s with me,” I growl, stopping to look them both in the eye. “She’s my woman, she sleeps in my bed.”

  “But, Jared, think of the stairs and—”

  “I’ll carry her anywhere she wants to go. After the doctor clears her from bed rest. I’m not letting anything else take her from me again, not even your concern, Ma. Paulie and I have a lot to work out and we’ll be doing it from my wing of the house. In private.”

  Ma throws her hands up and shakes her head and Pop starts chuckling.

  “You boys are just like your father. Thank the good Lord I have some daughters now to cut through the stubbornness.”

  That sets Wyatt laughing and I join in when Ellie elbows him and scowls deeply. The women my brothers have married are all stubborn and hotheaded. Not to mention my own mother and her temper and penchant for meddling.

  “Oh, that reminds me, Jared. I got this perfect little ten-carat—”

  “I’ll buy my own engagement ring, Ma!”

  Christ. She’s given each of the women a ring before my brothers could, and it would chap my ass if Paulie got one before I could get to the city to pick out the perfect one.

  Trace, Clari, and Ellie already wear their own “Ma” rings with more pride than they wear the rings they got from their men. Females.

  “Jared—”

  “Pop, take your wife home, would ya?” I say, grinning when the old man starts pulling her out with a chuckle and a slap to her rear.

  “Settle down, Judy baby. You want to give someone a ring…”

  “Oh, George! Behave yourself.” She titters and I almost die when my dad grabs her ass and gives it a squeeze.

  “That’s not what you said this morning, darlin’.”

  “Oh Christ,” Wyatt mutters, rolling his eyes as he claps my back and starts pulling Ellie away despite her protests. “I’ll see you at home.”

  When I’m alone with Paulie again and I feel calm enough not to lose it for the hundredth time today, I approach the bed and lower myself into the chair beside it, taking her hand and placing a tender kiss on the fragile skin and bones cradled in my own.

  I still have so much to do, including tracking down my brother Roman and ensuring that Lynn is still locked up tight, but right now I’m exactly where I want to be. I feel nothing but contentment when Cupcake squeezes my hand in her sleep and lets out a sigh.

  Whoever it was, whoever did this to her, will suffer when I find them. They’d all better hope one of my brothers is there to save them, because if not, people are going to die.

  I’ll admit that some of my rage is because I feel guilty for not having been there to prevent or stop this shit from happening, but the bottom line is that she was messed with and they all need to suffer for that.

  I’ll start with her bastard parents first.

  “Yo, what’s up?” Jace answers on the first ring, and I hear a feminine groan and what sounds like kissing noises echoing through the line.

  “Are you having sex?”

  Another moan reaches my ears and I grimace at the thought of Jace answering the phone while—

  “No. You think I want anyone hearing my baby like that? I’m giving Trace a foot rub, perv,” he says and I hear another moan and some very unladylike cursing when he moves away. “Be right back, baby. What’s up, bro?”

  I keep my voice low and my eyes on Cupcake for any movement, though I doubt she’ll wake up anytime today after what the doc put in her veins.

  “I want you to get Case up here. The Hayeses are in on this thing up to their eyeballs, and I want a man watching them twenty-four seven till Paulie is back on her feet.”

  What I don’t tell him is that I have every intention of beating the truth about Paulie’s reaction to Frank right out of them, or that they’ll be lucky to survive if I so much as hear that he’s laid a hand on her all these years.

  A low whistle reaches me and I roll my eyes, knowing what his heat is before he even says it.

  “Bro, Miah still has Case looking for Grimes. He’s not going to be very happy—”

  “I don’t care. Grimes, if he isn’t already dead, is the least of our worries right now. The Hayeses are involved in this and I don’t want them running around, free to do whatever they want. They were here, and if I saw what I think I saw in Tanya’s eyes, they’ll try to make a play for my girl.”

  “Shit. Okay, yeah, I’ll call Case and maybe Bronx, too, just to be safe,” he mutters and I wince at the suggestion.

  Nate “Bronx” Chapman is one of the meanest assholes I’ve ever met or served with, and having him here to break a few heads is like pouring gas on a campfire, but he gets the job done, as messy as it is sometimes, so I’ll take what I can get.

  “Make the call and ask Miah to come on back here. I want some protection when the ambulance gets here.”

  No way will I transport my girl without more eyes on the scene.

  “Sure. I’ll come, too. Say, how’s our sis doing?” he asks and I hear a rustle as Trace bounces to him and snatches the phone after a scuffle and some male groaning.

  “Is she okay? Jace wouldn’t let me come to the hospital and I am so worried and I feel crappy because Ellie got to see her first and—”

  “She’s okay, Trace,” I cut in, grinning when I hear another gasp and Jace’s soft curses. “She woke up and she’s doing just fine. She looks like hell but that’s nothing some rest and a few of those military-grade drugs Miah has stashed at home won’t fix.”

  The stuff in question is high grade and will get Cupcake healed in no time, and thanks to the nurse and my money, things should be on track by tonight, at the latest.

  I need Paulie healed quickly, because I fully intend to marry that woman before the week is out.

  “Oh! I’ll get a room ready right next to mine and we can have slumber parties—”

  I end the call with a wince, knowing I’ll catch a mouthful for it when she gets to me, but not caring one wit. If another person tries to take my girl from me, I won’t be responsible for the things I say.

  Chapter Four

  Paulette

  The feel of air hitting my face and the gentle sway beneath me wake me just as I’m being pulled out of what looks to be an ambulance. I hear voices as my eye closes again and feel gentle lips kiss my cheek as I struggle and fail to stay awake.

  I’m in that weird place between sleep and wakefulness and I feel nothing but peace and calm as the hushed voices get louder and a jumble of hands touch my own.

  If this is some kind of dream, I never want to wake up, I think as I enjoy the gentle caresses and softy spoken welcomes.

  “Back up, guys.”

  I hear Jared snarling and the soft chuckles of his brothers as the swaying gets worse and my head starts spinning.

  “She looks horrible!”

  “Christ, would you keep your voice down, Trace? She doesn’t need this right now.”

  I hear it all and almost laugh when a male voice reaches me and I hear what must be Jace muttering threats that sound like they’re directed at Jared.

  It all feels wonderful, something I’m trying to feel guilty about when I hear a door open and feel arms under my body before I’m lifted slowly and deposited on a bed so cool and soft, I manage a blissful moan past my cracked lips.

  “Shh, Cupcake.”

  The hospital was great, don’t get me wrong, but wherever I am is air conditioned, peaceful, and perfect as far as I’m concerned. It feels like I’m on a freaking cloud, the mattress is so soft, and the feel of expensive sheets just adds to the luxury.

  And then I get the scent and I know exactly where I am. Jared’s bed. A place I’ve longed to be for so long; I swear it feels like I was born wanting Jared Lane.

  The smell is so strong and perfect that I feel my nipples bead beneath my gown as my tummy dips with arousal.

  It shouldn’t even be possible to feel anything like this with the injuries I have, and yet when I
feel him lean over me and place a tender kiss to my unresponsive lips, all I want at that moment is the ability to wake and pull him closer.

  If he’s being nice out of pity or whatever the heck it is he feels, I’ll take it and live with the shame another day. I want him, just once before he realizes that I’m not good enough and leaves me to the Patriots.

  Just long enough to know what love feels like before I have to do what needs doing, no matter how great the danger.

  When he pulls away I groan inwardly and curse whatever drugs are keeping me under.

  “The nurse is here and I want her to give Paulie some of that stuff you smuggled off base.”

  Stuff? What stuff, I think, panicking a little before I realize he’d never do anything to hurt me no matter how angry he is at me right now.

  “Yeah, okay, man, just let me go get it.”

  That’s Miah, I know it is, and I want to smile at the soft way he squeezes my hand before I feel Jared’s hand envelop mine and the slow drag of his soft lips over the back of my fingers.

  “You’re safe now, Cupcake. I swear, nothing will touch you ever again,” he whispers, bringing tears to my eyes.

  He’s so sweet and gentle, nothing like the man I saw at the hospital upon first awakening, that I feel a tear slip free and course into my hair. His lips move and I feel him kiss it away a moment later before the door opens again and I hear an irritated female voice.

  “It’s okay, Cupcake. It will all be okay. You just rest, baby, and get better so we can talk properly. I won’t be angry this time. I promise.”

  “That was not prescribed by Dr. Stevens.”

  “You’re being paid very well, lady, double of what the going rate is. You’ll give her what you’re told to give her, or you can get your ass out of my house,” Jared says and I hear the nurse huff a minute before a cold hand touches mine, fiddling with the IV line in my left hand.

  “This is not ethical.”

  “I don’t give a shit, lady. This stuff is some of the best the US government has to offer its soldiers, and you’ll give it to her because it will speed up her recovery by weeks.”